Monday, January 2, 2012

The Resolution Number Four...

00:00 - New Year 2012.   Last night I had just spent time watching 'Enchanted' - rich animation in High Definition.   The distant popping sounds of the crackers and the bright floral display in the distant dark skies, marked my new year 2012 beginning.  
The first morning of 2012 - light at last
or hide and seek?

10:00 - This morning I woke with purpose.   The sun was playing hide and seek.   After a run and good breakfast, I hit the keypad.   Posted my run.   New year wishes and returns.   Done.  What else?

Ok  2012, here I come.   I set about making a set of resolutions - simple stuff, than a commoner like me to achieve.   Then it popped out.   The writing was on the wall... the facebook wall.   I clicked the 'OK' button and stared at it.    

It just popped, but there was a story
behind it!

Should I delete the post?   Should I let it be?   I did not know.  I do not know, now.   The 'status' update has been there for more than 12 hours now.   Some people 'liked'.  

The word 'commoner' would fit me - I could get lost in the crowd easily.   But that is OK.  

What is not OK is when you deem yourself to be a worthless.   This sense of deprecation coupled with ennui leads to something to achieve worthwhile.   When boredum and worthlessness combine, it is the biggest beast to beat.

A job is primarily to pay bills.  That definition, is true, when either you are doing what you have been doing all along, or you are doing what you are not liking.    What eventually you want is to do what you like?  What defines you? 

The reference could be from my very own life - I like meeting people.   I don't know whether others like meeting me, but I like doing it.    I feel I am OK at what I do.   The ups and downs of the self-esteem that I perceived as my identity crashed, when I gave it everything and it all came crashing down one afternoon of June 2009.

My running started as a catharsis for an identity crisis, magnified by that afternoon event.  I still continue to work, but I now understand the roller-coaster ride that can happen in a sales job, better.   But the more I ran,  the more I felt liberated.   The new identity was born - purpose was defined by goals and working to achieve them.   I could define various dimensions of me.  

I have been blogging for now 2 years.  My blogging started as a 'race report' stuff, but eventually started meandering into the esoteric and the abstract layers of the human mind - still about running. 

Eventually, thanks to an angel who reappeared in my life after a decade, the blogger-writer in me was born last August.   The second important reason for blogging more was that I also had started doodling on facebook.

I was boxed into so many crises' between August to October.    The vent was doodling.  I crooned, my facebook friends tolerated.   They 'liked' the positive things I said, the runs I posted, but for the cry of pain, the wall remained a wall.   There was no shoulder to cry.  But in the process, my discovery and journey in writing-blogging-doodling grew.
Behind those closed eyes- formed the resolution
number four!!!

The next test was persistency.   Would I be able to write continuously till the end of the year?  Or was it a part-time detour of self-discovery only to be back to the mundate routines of the daily life?   I think I can answer this question in the affirmative.

As I stand on the first year of 2012, the supposed year of the Mayan-apocalypse, I decided to take this discovery to the next level.  

Decided?   No.  It just popped out.   Resolved?  Well, err... yes!  That is how Resolution #4 looks 12 hours later.

-The One

( Pics Courtesy The One, Internet)




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